I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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