Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
