Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
