So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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