I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
