Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
