Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
