Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
