I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
