If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
