Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
