i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
