Only a mothe r could love this liver
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
