Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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