whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
