Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
