I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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