sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
