you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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