I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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