Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
