i permit you to call me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
