I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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