I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
