I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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