You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
