Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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