what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
