I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it glows. i had to have it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
