Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize