In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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