the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
