so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
