Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want nice things and good sex
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
