hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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