its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
