omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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