Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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