My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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