my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
