he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
