They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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