Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
