i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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