I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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