when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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