Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
