Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
