Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
