You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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