I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
