i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
