i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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