I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize