So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
