But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
