So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
