I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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