i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
