Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
