Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
