Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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