good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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