I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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