My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
