two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
