I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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