They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
