We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
