I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
