Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize