bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
