Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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