I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
