being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
