Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
