I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
