My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
