I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize