Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize