Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
